Birdies, bunnies, and happy things

“How do I deal with loving two people at once?”

somechattybroad:

everyoneisgay:

-Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says: 

You know, people say this is possible, but I don’t really believe it. 

I mean, when Alec Baldwin loved Julianne Moore and Elizabeth Banks in 30 Rock, I sort of believed it, but I always knew deep down he wanted to be with Ansbury Jones(what was her name again?!) wayyyy more, you could just tell. 

I think you can love two people, I think you can love a billion people. I don’t think you can be in love with two people at the same time AND I think you need to make a choice. If you really truly loved EITHER ONE OF THEM, you wouldn’t even be thinking about the other person. You know? You have no idea how much it can hurt to know the person you want to spend your life with could be just as happy spending their life with someone else. It sucks, it’s the worst feeling in the world. 

Make a choice. You’re hurting the shit out of two people you care deeply about just because you’re being too selfish right now. Neither one of them deserves to be in a half-relationship. 

Kristin Says:

This is a tough one, Anonymous.

I have never been in love with two people at the same time, but, unlike Dannielle, I do believe that it is possible. I believe that our hearts are capable of some insane shit, and I think this is probably one of the worst imaginable positions to be in, because the only logical next step is to be honest with both of the people you love about your feelings…which means hurting two people that you love deeply.

Here is the thing about loving someone, though: you are able to make decisions based on what will benefit both of you - and in this case all of you - in the longterm, and just right this moment. In the longterm, unless all three of you are open to a polyamorous relationship, you are going to be hurting them both by not being honest.

I am not sure if you are involved with both of these people, or if you are in a relationship with one and have fallen for the other…but either way, now is the time. You may lose them both, but the only way you can have an honest and truly loving relationship with someone is to share your heart with them - and that means your whole heart, Anonymous.

Talk to them both, separately. Tell them exactly how you feel. Share your confusions, your apologies and your struggle if they allow you to continue the conversation. Respect their hurt, and respect their choices. Know that you are doing the right thing by sharing yourself, completely, with the people you love.

Good luck.

Dear anon, Dannielle and Kristin,

Polyamory is possible, wonderful, loving, healthy, etc and it is entirely valid to love more than one person with your whole heart. You don’t have to divide up your love or share it because love is not an economy. What you do have to share and divide is time spent with your partner/s, finances (depending on your situation), etc *like in any loving relationship*. Time management is probably the ‘hardest’ part of polyamory. That, and getting over the ridiculous way our society is structured so that anything outside heteronormative, monogamous relationships is considered wrong, sinful, impossible or just plain weird.

I am sick of poly erasure and perpetuating this idea that poly is scary and not possible. It fucking is possible. It’s tricky, like all relationships, but once you get past the mono-centric ideals in our society, it’s not as terrifying and wrong as you’re told. I’m not saying monogamy is bad, but it’s not the only option, and it’s *not* the biggest failing of your heart and your life to love more than one person.

When I was first introduced to poly I read a lot, thought a lot and communicated with my partners a lot - I still do. Because it’s always a work in progress, and our relationships are always in constant ebb and flow, using time management, communication and honesty to keep them going. What *doesn’t* help is being told that polyamory is the worst, confusing, impossible, impractical, rare, wrong, or going to end badly. Fear tactics and poly-shaming are pathetic and can ruin perfectly good people and perfectly good (in this case, potential) relationships.

For resources on polyamory, I highly recommend you read this website http://www.morethantwo.com/ and download the book The Ethical Slut here: http://www.mediafire.com/?1kkowuxoyfj0l73

Regards

Me, annoyed poly girl

^Reblogging from my other Tumblr, because I want to get this info out there. I think it’s important to call out poly-shaming and educate people on other relationship choices.